Stay or Go: "In this essay..."
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| Yufuin, Japan, November 2018 |
The biggest advantage to staying in Japan would be the predictability: I know exactly how to do my job and what is expected of me; I can get my medication easily and for cheap; my salary and job are secure. These are all positive aspects, but they are overshadowed by the looming disadvantage of staying in Japan: the fact that staying is putting my career on hold and putting off reality. However, what does reality entail?
For me, reality entails gaining experience and funds to finance my future speech language pathology career goal. This is my reality, my aspiration. Reality for me also means living in an American community, as well as facing the facts of my grandmother and mother’s advanced ages. For some, the idea of reality connotes a gloomy day-to-day existence, one far less exciting and romantic than that of living in Japan. Reality, as opposed to the supposed glamor of expat living, involves bills, networking, chores and upkeep of self-care. To be honest though, living in Japan, while indeed a variety of expat living, is not glamorous for me, as I also have to deal with “realistic” tasks. So I’m already facing reality in Japan. In addition, the Japanese lifestyle is no longer serving me - the job is not allowing me to grow or thrive, and I have lost interest in dating and, to some extent, the Japanese language. To that end, why stay in Japan when America’s reality has more potential?
The potential rewards of going back to America are several: I could get a well paying job, I could find someone to date, I could live near a big city, and I could most certainly eat the American foods I love and miss now. However, the potential risks are also high: the job search could take longer than expected, creating a drain on time and resources; dating could be as much of a disaster in America as it has been for me in Japan; I could be forced to live in an expensive shared living situation just to make ends meet; and I could gain even more weight than I’ve already gained in Japan. So the question is whether the potential rewards outweigh the potential risks.
Coming to Japan was a risk. Going abroad to Southeast Asia and traveling was a risk, too. But nothing has been as big of a risk for my finances and mental health as going back to America after living in Japan. I depend on a steady income to pay my absurdly expensive student loans, and I depend on medication to manage my mental health. If I cannot get a well paying job with adequate health insurance within two months of returning to America, I could potentially become homeless and have a negative mental health episode. Now, homelessness could be mitigated by the support of my friends, but the real issue is financial. I have barely saved any funds since coming to Japan because of my student loan debt. Money is a problem.
Although money is and has been a large worry for me for the past eight years since graduation, I know it can always be found somehow. Furthermore, I have had great experience in finding jobs quickly when returning from living abroad in the past, and am confident I could find one or more again easily. In particular, I plan to get certified as an IT analyst, which I am sure would increase my salary potential and hireability.
It’s time to face my reality, put fears of financial difficulty aside and trust in my own abilities to create abundance where I can. I also have a responsibility to my family to be nearby and to make myself available to my few remaining close relatives, including my mother. Japan has been wonderful, but it is time to graduate to an adulthood of high reward potential, instead of staying somewhere that does not serve me fully. Tomorrow I sign the paperwork: I’m going home next August.
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